Economy is not strong enough
I wasn't expecting to see a live dog
He feared a cry of rape
Poorest will be hit the hardest
They always want more
Problems in later life
- From the issue of Wednesday May 18th, MMXI
Polite and very good at sports
Targeted because of the colour of his skin
He is being highly reckless
A rapid loss of hearing
Possibility of murder
In fact, he is up to his neck in it
- From the issue of Wednesday May 19th, MMXI
2. Shakespeare in Love
A Poem for Anne Hathaway on the advent of the UK DVD release of her film, “Love & Other Drugs”. By Peter Lyle
Dear Anne Hathaway,
Will you marry me?
Though I also love another,
The bed’s big enough for three.
The heart is a lonely hunter:
Your namesake, the playwright’s wife,
Was a bit of a munter
And the crap punning of literary greats
Was something she bore the brunt o’.
Yet with you that name is born anew,
In a form as fresh and blissful as morning dew.
I would hawk my soul,
For one kiss and just the chance of a hay-roll.
If you let me be your Morton and take me on,
I will get you superfood she-lunches from Leon.
I will fondle your toes, buy faddish health tea,
Lght posh scented candles, then put the kettle on.
I’d pretend to like Norah Jones
If it helps me jump your bones.
I blush just thinking of what we might do,
And gnash my teeth when Shakespeare In Love is on Freeview.
If our greatest poet ever born,
Master of the sonnet form
(He makes even Richard Ashcroft’s efforts seem lukewarm),
Had fallen in love with a Hollywood star miles beyond the norm,
That twatty middle-class movie would be proved untrue.
A great poet does not love Gwynnie -
A great poet loves you.